It was called On the Fritz. It was the story of a successful pastor, Steven Hassmann, who seemingly had it all - a large, influential church, a beautiful wife and daughter, a strong marriage. And now, the latest and greatest: he's been hand-picked to be the new President of the National Evangelical Union, the largest Christian organization of its kind. Nothing could be better, right? Except the fact that Steven has had a sexual addiction since high school.
He tried to keep it all under wraps. The mountain of dirty magazines he'd collected. The on-going relationship with a prostitute while at seminary. The random encounters he'd line up while traveling the country "preaching the good news". Rev. Hassmann's double life is found out at the worst possible time for himself and the organization. He is stripped of his pastorate and his title and goes into seclusion. The rest of the book details what happens next - hitting rock bottom and the healing that comes as a result.
Sound vaguely familiar? I was stunned when I read of Ted Haggard's mess Friday morning. 24 hours later, and he's a goner. He never admitted to having sex with the massage guy, but it's obvious what he was doing was out of bounds and he needed to be punished for it.
I'm angry that Haggard was doing all this. That he was so loose with his personal issues. I'm angry that no one around him saw the signs or, if they did, had the stones to say something. I'm angry for the political opportunism that is so apparent in all this. I'm angry for trash blogs like the one at (no surprise) the San Francisco Chronicle, who accuse Haggard of everything from male gang sex to beastiality, profaning the name of Jesus in the process. I'm angry that Christians now will have to answer all the Jim Bakker/Jimmy Swaggart/et al questions again.
I'm angry that most Christians won't be able to come up with a suitable answer to the world's blistering critiques. I'm angry that even this won't wake up most men who are bound up by sexual addiction, and they'll stay locked away in their closets, convinced no one will ever know.
Proverbs 26:24-26 says, "A malicious man disguises himself with his lips, but in his heart he harbors deceit. Though his speech is charming, do not believe him, for seven abominations fill his heart. His malice may be concealed by deception, but his wickedness will be exposed in the assembly.". Remember Moses' famous line, "Be sure your sin will find you out" (Numbers 32:23). NO ONE can get away with sin forever. If there is hypocrisy, it will be exposed. Set up as much Teflon around you as you want to, it doesn't matter. Light will shine on you sooner or later. I tried to hide my sex addiction for years. No one needs to know that. I can be on the radio, preach in churches, expect to pastor a church even! All with the core of my being rotting away from unrepentant sin. I confessed to my wife, my pastors, the guys at GFF. I found freedom. Am I 100% yet? No way. I still struggle daily. I'm finding it easier, little by little, to not let my eyes wander. I check lust on a minute by minute basis. I'm doing much better.
But why am I where I am now? Because I confessed it! I spoke it out to many people. I broke the agreement with the enemy. Psalm 32 is a beautiful account of David confessing sin to the Lord. Verses 3 and 4 says, "When I kept silent (did not confess my sin), my bones wasted away...your hand was heavy on me...my stength was sapped". It's obvious unspoken sin was taking its toll on David. What happens in the physical realm when we have a disease inside us, like cancer, that we don't treat? It destroys us. Sin does the exact same thing. Thanks to Jesus taking our sin, we no longer have to bear the weight of it. It's not like we could BEFORE the cross either. But they had the sacrifices to at least give them some semblance of hope. Now we can lay all our burdens on Jesus. The trouble is, we still have pride and think we can save ourselves. Even Christians I have heard talk about how they need to just "toughen up and get back in the Word" to get rid of sin. News flash for you all: No works you do will get rid of your sin. Pray all you want for healing and freedom, change jobs, go to church eight days a week. You'll still be tempted.
What does it take? First, it's trust that Jesus is who He said He was. If He came to save His people from their sins, that means every last one of them is forgiven. There is no "back room" where you hide all the really nasty ones. Even if there were, He'd know about it and want you to confess it anyway. Second, it's confessing the sin. 1 John 1:9 is good here, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.". The next portion of Psalm 32 is also good, "Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity....and you forgave the guilt of my sin." (v. 5). Third, it's like the woman Jesus caught in adultery - "Go and sin no more (John 8:11)" - we need to turn away from the sin. Not in a self-effectuating sort of "I'm tougher than my sin and I can beat it", but a humble, innocent, "I'm going to strive after Jesus with all I have. I'm sorry, I don't have time for my sin any more".
All that to say this: Ted Haggard made some GIGANTIC mistakes, which he'll never get back. If his mindset is as mine was two years ago, he never wanted to hurt anyone, never wanted to destroy a church and a national movement. But here he is. God has forgiven him, we can too (though it will be in stages for some). We prayed for him and his family in church this morning. I realized this morning how utterly desperate I am for His grace. As good as he's been in the last 17 years, even just today! there were untold numbers of times that I've turned around and spit at Jesus as I disobeyed and sinned. But yet He still forgives. He's still faithful. No matter how far away the person has gone, Jesus ALWAYS takes us back. He has taken Ted back. No questions asked.
If you are reading this and you've never asked for His forgiveness, you need to do it now. You know now, the Holy Spirit is convicting you, that what you've been doing is wrong and you have no way to clean your soul on your own. Jesus will do it for you. He already has, by dying that substitutionary death on the cross. Don't listen to what some may say, "God isn't real. The church is playing a game. They're all hypocrites". I dare you, look into my life. You know what you'll find? I am saved by grace, and this not of myself, it is the gift of God. Jesus never asked us to be perfect. He wants us to be holy, set apart.
May Ted Haggard and his family find hope, support, peace and privacy during this tough moment.
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