The Teacher In Me...

It seems that God has been narrowing my focus lately. If you read the last article (The Gospel of Work), you start seeing a trend - a growing dissatisfaction with life the way it’s currently lived. A desire to see life lived to its fullest. A need to find my place in the bigger story. I’m not sure but I think somewhere in a past article I wrote about what I used to define as my “wanderlust”. My tendency to always view the grass as greener on the other side of the fence. There’s always something better. I’m never satisfied. I always looked at people who were at one job for thirty or more years as weird. How can you be content with something that long? Doesn’t it seem tedious after a while? I used to think this restlessness in me was a bad thing. I thought I had to learn “the secret of being content (satisfied to the point where I am not disturbed or disquieted)...”
(Philippians 4.11, AMP) because I’m ALWAYS disturbed. Dissatisfied. Can I think back to a time in my life when I was EVER content? Better not try now; I’ll never finish this.

I actually thought I could find that contentment in my job. It’s a good one. I make more money than I ever have. I have a skill that is highly coveted. I work with a Christian-owned company, so my faith will never be an negative issue in the workplace (though, unfortunately, sometimes even I feel our staff meetings get a little too religious at times). But I sincerely fell for the trap that all I have to do is sell enough hearing aids, make enough commission, make my boss happy, and all will be well. No it won’t. Because there’s always another sale. Another happy patient. Another unhappy one, too. My self-worth cannot be derived from what I do. God is pleased with me when my numbers are up and “He hate me” when my numbers are down. Can you believe that I made an agreement with THAT?

Danny told me a couple of weeks ago that he saw a teaching gift in me. He thought I expressed myself well when I taught at a staff meeting on what I wrote in my last article. As an aside, I’m realizing more and more the potential danger of sharing at a work meeting how we need to not focus on work so much. It was like Jerry McGuire telling all the other agents we should have smaller rosters and how they were patting him on the back with one hand, while the other was dialing their cell phones to contact all of Jerry’s clients! It’s also hard to renegotiate my commission package when I’m very vocally saying the desire for more money is destroying our Christian culture. Anyway, when he said that, something in me jumped. YES! RIGHT! THAT’S WHAT I WANT TO BE!

Years ago, I remember saying “I want to teach and preach the Word of God”. I narrowed it down. Pastoring didn’t seem like my gift. But standing in front of loads of people and expounding from the Scriptures? LOVE IT! LOVE IT!! LOVE IT!!! Tricia and I have had prophetic words to that effect. I feel like I’m in my element when I get to. That desire is even stronger as I’m learning to be led by the Spirit deep in my soul. But those revelations seemed to fall on deaf ears. We had the prophetic words given to us but my former pastors never seemed to want to help cultivate them. What was the hold up? Was there something wrong with us? Was the word wrong? It just seemed like we had these gems, passionate words deep in our souls (particularly mine) but there was no way they were going to be manifested. It was a dream that would stay on the shelf forever, while we limp around looking for something to make us content.

I believe most people live like this today. They have a revelation, even a tiny inkling of their destiny in God. But they wander around like the Israelites in the desert. The Promised Land? Oh, I may get there someday. But, in the meantime, isn’t this desert nice? I could learn to like it here. Build me a condo. Set up a Starbucks. Oh, we fall short! We are hopelessly far away from the abundant life God promised to us! We settle for what John Eldredge and Brent Curtis call in The Sacred Romance our “less-wild lovers”. These are the things (sometimes very honorable and godly) that we allow to do the work of “completing” us. But they’ll kill us and, deep in our spirits, we know it. But it’s easy and quick to put all our eggs in those baskets. Besides, we look real good to the world when we set our sights really low. We conform to what this world has to offer and, even within the church, we are raised up as “devoted, dedicated people” or “excellent fathers or mothers” or “role models for people of faith”. But we’re killing ourselves, squeezing into a mold that we don’t fit into.

Have you ever seen those guys in the circus who try to stuff themselves into boxes or suitcases? I have to be careful, because that sort of contortionist (particularly female) is a big lust issue for me and conjures up sinful images for me. But for the sake of this discussion, it fits well. See, a six foot tall man was never meant to fit in a cube that would hold a 13” TV! But, there he is! Stuffing, bending, twisting. Putting a leg there, and arm back here. Soon enough, he all shoved in there. Oh, he can barely breathe. And there are more Charlie horses at work than there are horses at Saratoga. But he fits in the mold, right? For now, anyway. But he can’t stay in there for long. And when he does try to exit, limbs are popping out the door with great torque. Five minutes to get in, ten seconds to get out. A sigh of relief when he can finally stand erect.

There are some molds you try to squeeze into and you convince yourself that you fit! You’ll bend and twist all logic to conform to them -

This job is great! I know I never see my kids and I have to work on Sundays, but I’m doing so well financially!

This church is wonderful. It’s growing so fast! God is working in mighty ways. Sure, we don’t know anybody and no one seems interested in getting to know us, but our church was featured on TBN last night. Isn’t that awesome?

You see, God has a transformation in mind for you. He wants you to be different than what the world has. Romans 12.2 (AMP) says, “Do not be conformed to this world (this age), [Fashioned after and adapted to its external, superficial customs], but be transformed (changed) by the [entire] renewal of your mind [by its new ideals and its new attitude], so that you may prove [for yourselves] what is good and acceptable and perfect will of God, even the thing which is good and acceptable and perfect [in His sight for you].” What a great verse! I love the Amplified version! Anyway, when we are transformed, we fit into the will of God that is good and acceptable and perfect FOR US!

That means no one else may see it our way (which is really God’s way). No one may understand. They may say you’re a fool. Clueless. But Noah built an ark. Abraham was to sacrifice Isaac. Moses got his marching orders from a bush. David had a showdown with Goliath. Peter, James and John turned into powerful preachers. Paul turned into a missionary. Jesus died for the sins of the world. On the surface, none of it makes any sense. But God has a plan and destiny. You can stay in your construct if you want. But it’ll kill you and you know it.
I want to teach and preach the Word. Once upon a time, I wanted to do that to be famous, well-known. Now I want it because if I don’t, I think I may spend the rest of my life walking around in frustration. In Genesis 30.1, Rachel looked in envy on all the children Jacob was having with Leah. She said to Jacob, “Give me children or else I will die!”. She had a dream, a vision to have children. She spoke out of the desire of her heart. We need to have the same passion about our dreams. We’ll die if we don’t allow our dreams to be birthed.

It’s strange. I’ve spent so many years trying to figure out my calling in God. Could it be that in finding my calling, I’ve discovered that helping others find their calling is actually my calling? Whoa...

Well, until next time - walk with God.