Update...

So...it's been a couple of weeks since I've written. Well, I guess the biggest news for us is that, after weeks of soul searching, we've left our church. To be honest, I've been considering it for more than a year. Ever since the Father's Day thing last year (see earlier post called 'Why all this Father's Day stuff...) I've had my doubts as to whether or not our church was going to remain the right one. We kind of wnet hot and cold over the whole thing. Then the Father's Day play this year got scratched. Then I started speaking out to leaders about sexual issues and modesty. This past week, our pastor said in a letter, "Maybe it is best if you worship elsewhere".

I don't hold any hard feelings toward my former pastor, the staff, or the church. We spent almost eight years there. It's the only church our kids have ever known. Most of our friends are there. But you know when you're doing something and it feels right and you're really not sure why but you keep on doing it and everyone thinks you're nuts but you keep on because if you don't you feel like you'll become the biggest fraud ever?

That's it.

I acknowledged I have a lust addiction. I went to Colorado. Tricia and I restored our marriage. Then one day we woke up and realized we had done ALL of that separate from our local church. Now I'm not advocating that; if you are planted in a church, your pastor/elder/cell leader ought to be a vital part of any meaningful, major spiritual change. But this is the thing - we went most of a year, growing by leaps and bounds, and our local church just never entered the scene. It just never seemed relevant to the discussion. We actually thought about talking to our church leaders a couple of times. We got in the middle of the conversations and we never felt comfortable talking about it. That should have been a tip-off that something was wrong. But we kept on plugging away, hoping maybe it would change. It didn't. Actually, the distance got further and further. By the time I went to leadership with the whole modesty deal, it was as if I was a different person. They didn't know who I really was or where I was coming from. They couldn't relate.

So, in the words of Bob Dylan, they "criticized what they couldn't understand". They called us judgmental extremists. They attacked us personally. They failed to pick up on the fact that I was pleading with them to admit a problem, so it could be fixed, so I could stay. But it's best this way. We feel free. As our friend Mary Ann said, "We're free from the cage". Amen.

Now what? If you've read past posts, I've said I feel like I'm on the verge of something pretty huge. Now that I've got all the lust stuff out in the open, dealt with my fear, and entered into newness, where are we supposed to go? What do we do? We've started attending a great church in Schenectady. We're going to meet with the pastor in the next few weeks and spill out the whole messy thing and see if we fit in. We may go on a missions trip as a family. I'm still thinking about graduate school, maybe getting the M. Div. I never got at Gordon-Conwell.

And Beyond the Song is this weekend. It's part of my agreement for working, so here goes -

PLEASE CHECK OUT THE "BEYOND THE SONG " LINK TO THE SIDE OF THIS PAGE FOR INFORMATION ABOUT THIS GREAT FESTIVAL COMING UP THIS WEEKEND IN CHERRY VALLEY, NEW YORK, WHICH IS BETWEEN COOPERSTOWN AND ALBANY.

Anyway, it's three days of worship and teaching with Darell Evans, Tree 63, Kent Henry, Derek and Isaiah 6 - whew! I kind of have the same anticipation that I had before Colorado. Not about the trip, but about what God might do. I'm planning many segments where I'm just going to worship. Soak in God's presence and see what happens. This is not just a worship thing, it's a missions thing. It's about seeking Him, then getting marching orders and going! Which is just what we need! But the seeking has to come first! I've been getting lost in worship the last couple of weeks. There's been like a bubbling up in my Spirit about singing praises to Him. I've sung before, but not like this. It's like something's going to explode!

I can't wait. Well, it's late and bed is calling. I've got a day long staff meeting tomorrow. New corporate policies and stuff like that. WHEEEEEEE! I hope to post pictures of BTS. I said I'd post pictures of Colorado. Liar! LIAR!! Well, I'll make an attempt.

Probably won't talk until after Beyond the Song. Til then...

Walk with God.