The Gospel of Work...

“Birth...School...Work...Death.”
---- The Godfathers

“Mere rats, the human rodents shuffle.
At least we get a dignified cremation.”
---- Jello Biafra

"Take this job and shove it! I ain't workin' here no more!"

---- Johnny Paycheck

I’m growing more and more disenchanted with my job. It’s not that I don’t like what I do. It’s not that I’m not good at it. It’s not that I’m not making enough money. It’s not that I hate the people I work with. I’m not doing anything blatantly immoral either. The problem isn’t with the job. It’s with me. There’s just a frustration level that has reached cataclysmic proportions. We talk often of how church can be an empty exercise when you’re just doing it for the sake of doing it. There’s no life in it. You’re going through the motions. Work, for me, is resembling that. I guess that’s what happens when your heart’s not there. And, as an employee, you’re there almost 40% of your waking hours.

Jocelyn Green recently wrote in the magazine Pentecostal Evangel about “The Overworked American” and when I read it, it started to trigger some strong reactions. She writes -

“During research for her book The Overworked American, Boston College sociology professor Juliet Schor discovered that the average U.S. employee spent more than 200 more hours per year on the job - or five extra 40 hour weeks - compared to the 1960’s. Half a century ago, the American workweek was substantially shorter than that of Western Europe; now Americans exceed Europeans by more than 350 hours a year - nearly nine weeks. Even Japan now has shorter annual hours of work than the United States.” (7/17/05, #4758, p. 6)

A couple of weeks ago, my office went through what was called a “Takin’ It To the Next Level” meeting. Up until recently, everything’s been run like a one-man show. But now there’s too much to do. So we’ve converted to more of a corporate structure. Hired a Chief Financial Officer. Hired four new specialists. Moved to a new office three times the size. They've even set a performance analyzer in place called a scorecard so that anyone can look at the numbers to monitor sales and job performance. Through the whole meeting, something just felt weird. Most other employees either didn’t understand what it was about or they were afraid of it. One of the business consultants there kept saying that a key component for all this should be “What’s in it for me?”. Oh, really? Anyhow, I couldn’t figure out what the check in my spirit was about. Then, a little later, God spoke to my heart - “What does it profit a man that he should gain the whole world, yet lose his very soul?”.

I have no problem with those who consider the marketplace their mission field. Lost people are everywhere. They sure need to be reached. But while we’re in the marketplace, we need to be very careful. For we can begin to worship the vehicle of our service instead of the God who gave us the vehicle. We can seek after bigger barns, larger paychecks, status and prestige. All the time, the hurting are calling out to us, pleading that we’ll take time to share with them the hope we have. But, as we drive to our job in our luxury cars, the hurting are lining the streets, like the trees or park benches. And we fly by because we have "more important things" to do. Like chase the American Dream, make all our money, get ulcers, etc.

A couple of weeks ago, a young man was shot in the back by a kid with a semi-automatic weapon. The victim was walking down the street near a McDonald’s restaurant. My family goes by that place all the time. It’s less than a mile from Calvary Tabernacle, where we now go to church. I worked on that stretch for a year and a half. What’s happening? I’m so busy running to get my Double Mocha Latte and get to work to sit and slave away. People Jesus died for are dying themselves and I won’t lift a finger. Oh, I can’t. See, I’m trapped. I spend so many hours tied to my desk that by the time I get home, I have nothing left in the tank. I fall asleep on the couch watching “Wheel of Fortune”. I won’t even pray. Pathetic. Our jobs kill us. It’s a tool of the enemy, I know it. Satan gets us so occupied with our own lives that no one else’s is of any consequence. He who has eyes to see, let him see.

A lot of this really started rising up during Beyond the Song. I’m actually listening to Derek’s Tribes and Tongues CD as I’m typing this. But for three days I heard great men and women of God talk about giving their all for the harvest. We sang worship songs, prayed for the nations. I was watching Preston, Derek’s drummer, spend hours a day playing. I honestly started to get a little jealous - “That’s supposed to be me! I wish I'd never stopped playing with Derek“. But God corrected that. “It’s not that your jealous of the place in the band you want to occupy. You’re jealous of the place in My larger story you want to occupy. You want to serve me, go for me. I love that about You”. And as I sat there getting calls on my cell phone from my office (on Saturday, no less), I started to get the picture. We get confused. As Gary Barkalow says, "We think our job is our calling. No, our job is an assignment within our calling." Calling is a much greater purpose than just punching a timeclock. When the Book of Life opens, God will not judge me by my performance scorecard! Some will fulfill their calling with a 9 to 5 job included. But those who are called to go to the ends of the earth need to go. And they are spinning their wheels until they do. It’s no wonder I move from job to job, unable to be satisfied. Because there is a larger story. I have a place in it. And I’ve left it unoccupied. Meanwhile, those who need me to be in my place so that they can hear the Gospel and be saved are waiting. And waiting. And waiting. Dying.

Actually, this was germinating before BTS. In March, I wrote in my journal (again, after spending time with Derek - coincidence?)

“...in seeking security, I’ve been ignoring faith and trust. I sought the easy way, the safe ways, and I’ve pushed my true heart down. Who knows all the exciting awesome things I could’ve done if I simply got out of the boat and fully trusted? God (has) allowed me to have what I wanted - but it’ll kill me and I know it. I need to step up. Life is more than being safe.”

The day after Beyond the Song, we were going to sleep in and skip church. Seemed like the “safe” thing to do. Self-preservation and all that. But we were all awake in time to go, so what the heck? Pastor Lorenzo preached from John 12:

“Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls to the
earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much
fruit. He who loves his life loses it, and he who hates his life
in this world will keep it to life eternal. If anyone serves me,
he must follow me; and where I am, there My servant will be
also; if anyone serves me, the Father will honor him.” (v. 24-
26, NASB)

I wept in my pew. That was it! I need to die to myself in order to glorify Him. There’s just too much of me in the way. Think about the verse above: if the grain dies, it bears much fruit! When it ceases to operate, when it gives itself over to a greater plan, that's when it reproduces! As I cried and worshipped, singing “I surrender All”, I heard God say to me, “I release you. Pursue your heart. I’m for you.”

So that’s what I’m doing. I’m going to meet with Pastor Lorenzo when he comes back from Bulgaria (he’s training national pastors) and just set myself down before him and say HELP! I think Calvary has come around at just the right time. Lorenzo is much more of an equipper. That seems to be what my spirit is calling out for. A man of God to take me as a piece of unformed clay and mold me so I’m prepared to handle to the work I’m called to do. It’s a shame it’s taken me 16 years to get here. But better late than never. And he’ll restore the years the locust has eaten. I’m not sure if I’m destined for the mission field, pastoring (which is kind of what I thought I’d do all along), evangelism, counseling...I ain’t got no clue! But I know the passion growing in my heart is to give it all for the work of the kingdom. And I know Whom I have believed. And I know the He who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it.

Well, my daughter Rachel’s bowl of Apple Jacks looks strangely appetizing! I pray some of my meditations this morning have inspired you to look at your life and see what motivates you. Our lives are meant for so much more. I pray we all just don’t get lost along the way.

Walk with God.

I will never forget about you...what's your name again?

Welcome back to the insanely cazy life that is Darren Barkman. I got back from Beyond the Song and have basically not stopped since. I do have a lot to share with you. God has been on the move and I'm feeling closer and closer to figuring out what I want to be when I grow up.

I'm currently writing this from my cubicle at work, where I'm waitng for a hearing aid pull string to dry. Then it's off to our new church, Calvary Tabernacle, for Wednesday night service. Pastor Noel should be back tonight, telling of his stories of being in Malawyi (sp?). I've got 45 minutes or so to get there.

Work has been the issue lately. More and more I'm feeling like a round peg in a square hole. I'm doing well. My sales numbers are still high. But there's more to life than scorecards and performance appraisals. We'll delve more into that later.

God is good. All the time. No matter what. Walk with Him. The life we try to live is just a cheap imitation compared to what He actually wants to instill in us and through us. The question is - do we have the courage to take the best or are we content with the cheap imitation? I'm tired of settling.

Hey, my aid's done. It will probably be the weekend before I can touch base with you. But when I do, it'll be pretty packed. Take a seat for it.

Catch you later. Walk with God.

A Nut Case From the Past

Before I head off to Beyond the Song, let me post one more article. Call it "food for thought". Thanks go again to Steve Gallagher and Pure Life Ministries for the re-print.

A Nut Case from The Past
By Steve Gallagher

Gavin MacLeod (The Love Boat) called his supporting performance in the 2003 film Time Changer “the most important thing” he had ever done. It’s hard to disagree with him.
The storyline occurs in 1890 and revolves around Bible professor Russell Carlisle, who is unwittingly transported by a time machine into modern-day America. For five days, he finds himself trapped in a wicked world to which you and I have become shamefully accustomed.
In his day, the term, “Gay Nineties,” referred to the nation’s innocence, not to the filthy and lewd behavior reflected in our past decade. Men married their women for life, with divorce rates hovering around a microscopic 5%. Teenage promiscuity, marital infidelity and abortion were almost nonexistent. Pornography—even if you could find it—was typically an artist’s rendering of a topless woman.

Christian filmmaker Rich Christiano’s character, Russell Carlisle, is an awkward and unlikely hero who is thrust into the America of our day. This results in the inevitable scenes of him marveling over modern technology and dodging speeding cars. More important, though, are his reactions to the stark contrast in morality between the two eras.

At one point, he is seen watching television. His horrified expression betrays the fact that he is witnessing the kind of blatant immorality which has become standard fare for many of us. But perhaps the most poignant scene occurs when he is invited by some Christians to attend a movie with them. Suddenly, he is shown running out of the theater screaming at the employees, “You have to stop this movie! That actor took the Lord’s name in vain! He blasphemed God!”
If you or I witnessed a man acting this way, our first thought would probably be, “What a nut case!”

And yet this scenario provokes a few pointed questions Christian men should ask themselves. Why aren’t we more outraged when we hear actors take the Lord’s name in vain? How can we look upon scantily-clad girls on television without blushing? Why do we permit TV to indoctrinate our children with the world’s values? The answer to these questions is clear: we have given our culture a greater place in our lives than the Word of God.

I can still remember some twenty years ago when the Lord began convicting me about watching television. At the time it seemed “off-the-wall,” and I resisted the notion until I was convinced it was truly from Him. A couple of years after getting rid of my TV set, I visited the home of an acquaintance who was playing his television. Much to his amusement, I stood in open-mouthed disbelief at what I was seeing—with probably much the same shocked look on my face as that of Russell Carlisle.

This incident taught me that people simply can’t comprehend how bad something really is while regularly partaking in it. A perfect illustration of this truth is the way a nonsmoker reacts when entering a smoke-filled room. His pure, clean lungs simply cannot tolerate breathing in that filthy air. If he ever picks up the habit though, he can walk through the smokiest room without even noticing it.

The message of Time Changer sheds much-needed light on the fact that we have become very accustomed to the world’s mindset through immersing ourselves in television, movies, magazines and the Internet. We don’t mind “the smoke” because our spiritual lungs have become all too comfortable with the pollution.

The sad truth is that most Christian men readily tolerate hearing blasphemous statements and seeing ungodly behavior because they are unwilling to pay the required price to maintain a pure heart. The American culture has become so huge in their lives that the values of the Kingdom of God are now minuscule in comparison.

Yes, it is true, if a man from the past raised a ruckus over someone taking the Lord’s name in vain, he would look like a nut-case. And yet, when I examine the long line of courageous martyrs down through Church history, I have to ask myself, “Who is sane and who is crazy?”

Was William Tyndale a fruitcake because he was burned at the stake wearing a dunce’s cap? Was Martin Luther weird because he challenged the entire world of Catholicism? Was Jesus Christ a chump when He allowed Himself to be spit on, beaten, jeered and tortured to death? The fact is that the world has always hated and ridiculed godly people.

If we really get honest with ourselves, surely we can see that the most insane thing a believer can do is to align himself with the enemies of God. It brings to mind the scorching words of James 4:4: “You are like unfaithful wives having illicit love affairs with the world and breaking your marriage vow to God! Do you not know that being the world’s friend is being God’s enemy? So whoever chooses to be a friend of the world takes his stand as an enemy of God.” (AMP)
Perhaps the best conclusion for this column would be the following words of commentary by Alfred Plummer, written, appropriately, in 1890:

“James wishes to bring home that any soul that has been wedded to God, and has then transferred its affection and allegiance to other beings, is an unfaithful wife. A wife who cultivates friendship with one who is trying to seduce her becomes the enemy of her husband. It is useless for the Christian to plead that he has no wish to be hostile to God. He has of his own free will adopted a condition of life which of necessity involves hostility to Him.
“The world may assure him that it is quite easy to serve God, and yet remain on excellent terms with the world. But God declares that the choice must be made, and that it is absolute and exclusive. Do these terms seem to be harsh? They are not really so, for the more we surrender, the more He bestows. We give up the world, and that appears to us to be a great sacrifice. ‘But He giveth more grace.’

Update...

So...it's been a couple of weeks since I've written. Well, I guess the biggest news for us is that, after weeks of soul searching, we've left our church. To be honest, I've been considering it for more than a year. Ever since the Father's Day thing last year (see earlier post called 'Why all this Father's Day stuff...) I've had my doubts as to whether or not our church was going to remain the right one. We kind of wnet hot and cold over the whole thing. Then the Father's Day play this year got scratched. Then I started speaking out to leaders about sexual issues and modesty. This past week, our pastor said in a letter, "Maybe it is best if you worship elsewhere".

I don't hold any hard feelings toward my former pastor, the staff, or the church. We spent almost eight years there. It's the only church our kids have ever known. Most of our friends are there. But you know when you're doing something and it feels right and you're really not sure why but you keep on doing it and everyone thinks you're nuts but you keep on because if you don't you feel like you'll become the biggest fraud ever?

That's it.

I acknowledged I have a lust addiction. I went to Colorado. Tricia and I restored our marriage. Then one day we woke up and realized we had done ALL of that separate from our local church. Now I'm not advocating that; if you are planted in a church, your pastor/elder/cell leader ought to be a vital part of any meaningful, major spiritual change. But this is the thing - we went most of a year, growing by leaps and bounds, and our local church just never entered the scene. It just never seemed relevant to the discussion. We actually thought about talking to our church leaders a couple of times. We got in the middle of the conversations and we never felt comfortable talking about it. That should have been a tip-off that something was wrong. But we kept on plugging away, hoping maybe it would change. It didn't. Actually, the distance got further and further. By the time I went to leadership with the whole modesty deal, it was as if I was a different person. They didn't know who I really was or where I was coming from. They couldn't relate.

So, in the words of Bob Dylan, they "criticized what they couldn't understand". They called us judgmental extremists. They attacked us personally. They failed to pick up on the fact that I was pleading with them to admit a problem, so it could be fixed, so I could stay. But it's best this way. We feel free. As our friend Mary Ann said, "We're free from the cage". Amen.

Now what? If you've read past posts, I've said I feel like I'm on the verge of something pretty huge. Now that I've got all the lust stuff out in the open, dealt with my fear, and entered into newness, where are we supposed to go? What do we do? We've started attending a great church in Schenectady. We're going to meet with the pastor in the next few weeks and spill out the whole messy thing and see if we fit in. We may go on a missions trip as a family. I'm still thinking about graduate school, maybe getting the M. Div. I never got at Gordon-Conwell.

And Beyond the Song is this weekend. It's part of my agreement for working, so here goes -

PLEASE CHECK OUT THE "BEYOND THE SONG " LINK TO THE SIDE OF THIS PAGE FOR INFORMATION ABOUT THIS GREAT FESTIVAL COMING UP THIS WEEKEND IN CHERRY VALLEY, NEW YORK, WHICH IS BETWEEN COOPERSTOWN AND ALBANY.

Anyway, it's three days of worship and teaching with Darell Evans, Tree 63, Kent Henry, Derek and Isaiah 6 - whew! I kind of have the same anticipation that I had before Colorado. Not about the trip, but about what God might do. I'm planning many segments where I'm just going to worship. Soak in God's presence and see what happens. This is not just a worship thing, it's a missions thing. It's about seeking Him, then getting marching orders and going! Which is just what we need! But the seeking has to come first! I've been getting lost in worship the last couple of weeks. There's been like a bubbling up in my Spirit about singing praises to Him. I've sung before, but not like this. It's like something's going to explode!

I can't wait. Well, it's late and bed is calling. I've got a day long staff meeting tomorrow. New corporate policies and stuff like that. WHEEEEEEE! I hope to post pictures of BTS. I said I'd post pictures of Colorado. Liar! LIAR!! Well, I'll make an attempt.

Probably won't talk until after Beyond the Song. Til then...

Walk with God.